All I do is disappoint you. I am a disappointment.

I take up as much mental effort as work does.

You expect me to be happy, and social, and care about family, and to like life, and I do not.

That is why we fought today.

And that is why we might not stay together.

But none of this changes anything, because I don’t have time to deal with it. I’m still trying to wrap my head around staying alive & functional and getting through one day at a time.

You don’t realize how bad off I am. You don’t even want to acknowledge it, because you don’t have time, and are done caring about it.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I am only barely maintaining a mental health level above perpetually-bursting-into-tears.

As I was always afraid of, you forced me to change, and then you abandoned me when I needed you to understand me the most.

By your deliberate actions you caused my worst fear to come true. And no amount of apology can reverse that.

I don’t know whether I know how to forgive you for that.